Excuse me, sir, do you have some spare consultancy?

Did you know consultants keep a blacklist of things and people they’re not particularly fond of? A while back we revealed some of the fuckups on our own list, and today we’re back with two more ?

But first, here are two real-life situations.

The undecided cat

Whenever they want to get out or come back in, cats do an extremely annoying thing I’m sure all cat lovers are familiar with:

they go to the front door and scratch the hell out of it while meowing like lunatics. The cat owner then immediately drops whatever it was they were doing and runs to the door to let the crazy little shitface in or out.
And then the cat does this: it takes 2 steps towards the door, … then sits down and starts staring into blank space. It won’t go out, it won’t come in, it won’t even react to the wide range of name-calling. It just stands there, completely frozen, looking like it has disconnected from the real world.

The ferocious negotiator

– Hey, man, that’s a very nice pair of shoes you’re selling. How much for it?

– Hey dude. It’s $500, the price is in the ad.

ferocious_negotiators_spare_consultancy– Ouch, man, that’s a lot of money, could you like, maybe…drop the price a little?

– The price is not negotiable. It says in the description. The shoes are in perfect condition, trusted brand, never worn, they also come with a warranty certificate and a spare set of leather soles.

– Yeah man, but still, $500 for a pair of shoes is a lot of money. I really want it, but I won’t pay more than $300 for it.

– Don’t buy it then.

– What if we took off the laces? Would you then drop the price to $450?

– It’s $500. Don’t waste your time.

– What if you don’t send me the spare soles either? Maybe then I could have it for $400?

– It’s $500 and this conversation is over.

– Wait man, WAIT! What if I cut one leg off, hm? Then could I just have one shoe, for half the price?!

What do these two stories have in common?

They both describe two types of behavior we often meet in people: the ones who change their mind without any warning or reason, and the ones who would rather cut off a leg than pay what they’re being charged.

We have the people who sell services and then we have the ones who need them. In an ideal world, the story would end there. I am a service provider, you could really use my services, I describe the benefits & make you an offer, you agree to it and bam! The deal is done, everyone’s happy.

In reality, however, most people either resemble the cat or the beggar in the kick-off stories.

Consultants, undecided cats & why it won’t work

Look, it’s OK to not always know what you want. It’s part of our job to help you find solutions. It only becomes a pain in the ass when, despite all the questions and answers, all the plans, the explanations and the forecasts, you’re still one-foot-in, one-foot-out.

The fact that you’re wasting everyone’s time is not even the problem here anymore. What’s more concerning is that you probably find it just as hard to make any decision in your company, which might mean that maybe, just maybe you’re not fit for the chair you’re sitting in.

Consultants and the magic of over-negotiation

First of all, it’s not on you to appraise our experience, skills, knowledge and effort. So to say that you won’t pay the price for something you don’t know the value of is both offensive and ridiculous.

Second, you need to know this: we help companies all over the world to double, triple or skyrocket their numbers. We redefine strategies or build them from scratch. We work with massive budgets, large teams and complex technologies. Just how little do you expect this to cost?

It’s one thing if your ideas are big but you’re not financially prepared to sustain a massive investment. We understand and respect that and we can build the growth plan in a way that allows you to control the INs and OUTs. Apart from that particular case, we really can’t see the point in forcing a negotiation. Just because you try to pull it off cheaper? A cheap bastard with an ambition to grow a business? I mean… are you sure?

The bottom line

Do your research. When you’re not sure what you want, ask for help. If you do end up calling a specialist, then you should trust that his expertise will bring your business to the surface.

Some things are not negotiable. It’s one thing to bargain for a souvenir, market food or a cheaper ride, but you need to think carefully before asking a business consultant for a much lower price on their high-quality services.

Business is not for everyone. We know very few individuals who are natural-born businesspersons. Everyone else can reach success only after they’ve worked really hard, listened, learned, practiced, led, failed and got back up. It takes a lot of wisdom and courage to be an entrepreneur. If you think that running a business is a punisher and you often find yourself bearing the consequences of your own decisions, then you need to accept that you’re not cut out for this and you should go find that something you’re actually good at, instead.